Awful Day

Today was not a good day at all.  I feel like I'm in crisis mode where if I don't get the class under control, we won't learn anything all year.  I have a wonderful coworker who took me to another school to introduce me to her mentor teacher and we talked for a while.  She even gave me some manipulatives to use with one particular student.  I'm so grateful to have her support, especially when there are some really fake teachers I work with who are waiting and hoping for me to fail.  That's been hard to face, but I'll let God take care of them.

So, what am I going to do tomorrow?  We're going to completely redesign the classroom.  I'll be moving my carpet to a new location so I can move my desks around.  We'll be facing a different board, and I'll be stripping down the class rules to make new ones.  I'm also getting rid of some levels on the behavior chart so the students have less chances and reach more severe consequences quicker.  Basically, I've been told that I have to be a drill sergeant.  It's gonna be a challenge for me but I'm going to do my best.  I'll keep building relationships, but the fun has to be sucked out of the room for now because my kids can't handle having fun.  It's hard to say that but everyone can see they're not ready for fun, and they're not ready for lots of choice. 

I was able to reward my students who are able to make strong choices with fun while those who made poor choices watched the others have fun.  I'm gonna keep working on that...it's just hard when I can only be in one place at one time. 

My head is spinning with so many ideas that are always shared, and I'm overwhelmed.  I feel like I keep changing something everyday, but my kids keep giving me reason to.  For every thing I come up with, they come up with a counter behavior for it.  Somehow someway I have to show them that I'm the boss and I run the show, not them.  *sigh* Let's see how tomorrow goes....

Reflection 1

Just wanted to reflect on my day.  I tried something new where I mapped out the entire day so that I would know everything I wanted to do and in the right order.  I noticed that in my room there is a lot of down time for the kids to get into trouble because I'm not always prepared with what comes next, so I wanted to fix that this week.  It ended up being 4 pages long, just for Monday, but it helped me stay on task and on track.  We even managed to get through all of our subjects, from Morning Meeting to Writing to Reading to Second Step (violence prevention program) to Math to Specials to Science.  So I'm happy that we got through every lesson.  It didn't necessarily change the behavior issues I'm having, but there was more time on task than there was last week.

Another thing I did differently that helped end the day a bit more smoothly was do our class jobs and get ready for dismissal an hour before we actually dismiss.  Since school began, dismissal has been one of the worst parts of my day because it has been so hectic and chaotic, especially with so many parents picking up their kids early.  So today I had us dismiss (pack up our backpacks and whatnot) right after they came back from specials, and then we went into the science lesson and used that to finish the day.  It was much smoother, so I'm going to stick with it.

I also tried to end the day with a final closure where we shared something we learned, but many of the students were mentally checked out so it wasn't as powerful as I had hoped.  I will keep pondering over that.

Let's see...I also got rid of transition time, which was a 2-5 minute period where students could go to their locker or sharpen their pencils.  Most kids took it to mean free time and were just chilling and getting into trouble, so I decided to nix it.  Now I let students sharpen their pencils when they need to and just ask me before they go to their lockers.  It worked pretty well, though the kids were bummed to lose their "free time".

Tomorrow I'm going to talk to them about what types of behaviors will make them move their color (we use a color chart with clothespins).  My only concern is that so many students exhibit those behaviors so frequently throughout the day that it's hard to keep up with and sometimes I have to let certain things go.  I'm nervous that now that these behaviors are written explicitly on a chart they will start to notice that I can't always keep up.  For example, I can't always stop the lesson to tell someone who is talking to move their color because they are ALWAYS talking and I would never get through the lesson.  So I tend to highlight the super disruptive ones who actually interrupt me, but it still feels inconsistent.  I'm not really sure what to do with that.

Last thing, I'm often told that I always need to keep my voice level and not let the children see that they are getting to me.  I find this to be extremely difficult for me because I'm a super transparent person and most people can always read my emotions.  Even today, I got so frustrated that I told the class they were making me angry and I would have to start taking away their PE time if they kept it up.  I just don't know how to hide it...I'm an emotional person by nature and I get irritated by all the misbehaving.  Any advice?

A Random Venting Session

I've been wanting to blog for a while and haven't set out time to do it.  I have a lot on my mind in regards to my classroom and what's going on, so I'm not sure what this post will look like in the end.

What I can say for sure right now is that I'm a first year classroom teacher who is in survival mode.  I remember reading about these different modes from the book "The First Days of School" by Harry K. Wong and Rosemary T. Wong, and survival mode definitely sounds like me.  I am really struggling with classroom management, and every day I'm just trying to get through it.  It sucks a lot because I really love to teach and I want so badly to be good at it, but management does not come naturally to me.

I read all the time about how some teachers are naturally good at it but most of us have to work at it to improve.  I'm constantly working and pushing myself to try different strategies, and some things work but others do not.  I'm just so frustrated right now because I'm really unhappy with the behaviors in my classroom, and I feel at a loss for how I can really change them.

I have a tendency to complain about the behaviors they exhibit that I really don't like, but I don't want to get caught up in all that here.  I do it enough at work and am trying to quit.  The funny thing is that I really love most of my students.  I'll admit there are a couple who work my nerves on the daily and it's taking me a bit longer to warm up to them.  And it's those kids who are causing the majority of the behavior problems in my classroom, which are trickling down to the rest of the class.  But someone told me to be curious about them, and really get to know and figure out why they behave the way they do.  So I'm working on that relationship building.  I've already eaten lunch with all of my students at least once (in small groups), and now I'm eating with each child one-on-one.

I'm trying to keep believing that things will get better, but I'm also realistic and as we get closer to November, I'm starting to accept the fact that this is who they are and there is only so much I can say and do to build character in them.  This may be the reality of what my classroom is like all year.

I will continue to gather strategies from everywhere: other people, books, observations, etc.  I will continue to hope it will get better, but I don't want to set myself up for disappointment either.  Hopefully, I will be able to make more time to blog about specific issues and continue to reflect on my role in the class and what dynamic I bring to the culture that I have created.  Because one thing I will not do is place all the blame on them....I recognize I play a big part in this too and I've started to ask myself what I'm doing wrong, since at the end of the day I'm the only person I can really control.

Anyway, this has all been just some random babblings.  I have a lot on my mind and I just needed to get something down on "paper" and out of my heart.  I hope my future postings will be more streamlined and focused than this.

A New Planning Process

Today's training session was mostly giving us time to plan the first 20 days of school, in math.  I was sooooo excited to finally get some planning done so I could be ahead of the game when classes began.  However, my attempt at a 20-day rough sketch didn't quite go as planned.  I only managed to crank out focus points for three days.  Now it doesn't take a strong mathematician to know that 3 out of 20 is a failing grade, but I'm telling myself not to look at this as a failure because I did learn some things during the process (and it's all about the process, right?)

Lesson planning has been a struggle for me since the beginning, but it's gotten easier as the years went on.  It used to take me hours just to do one week's worth of plans, and I was constantly changing my templates and approaches, always looking for a way to make it easier and quicker.  See, I'm a very detailed-oriented person, I tend to think sequentially, I over-analyze everything, and I don't like to make wrong decisions.  Combine these traits together and you can pretty much imagine why lesson planning can be such a headache for me.

Well, today I came into the session knowing these things about myself and coaching my mind not to go there. I started out well in the beginning, but as more things were explained and more teachers were asking questions, my old habits started creeping back.  Eventually, they took hold and I became stuck.  I didn't know where to start, I didn't know where to go next, I couldn't figure out "the right order" and I was so fixated on not planning the unit out correctly.  The instructional coaches offered solutions such as grouping things together, not planning out an entire day at a time but just getting an idea here and there of where I want to go, making a list of the goals then shuffling them around to make them fit, etc.  Towards the end of the session I was starting to get somewhere, and I managed to jot some things down for the first three days.

I also figured out why lesson planning all of a sudden became hard again when I felt like I had mastered a system that worked for me last year: I was having to plan something new.  For me, it was routines, and mixing those routines in with content.  For the past three years I've only been taught how to plan content, so when routines got thrown into the mix, I panicked.  Well, now I know what my new challenge is, and I will have to keep working with myself and giving myself some breathing room to take longer than usual at the beginning.  I'm going to allow myself to struggle through this new planning process because I know by the end of the year, this will once again be a breeze!

The Reform Symposium

I'm a bit behind the rest of the edu world, but I'm glad I was able to watch at least a couple of the presentations from The Reform Symposium.  I enjoyed the two that I saw and they've both given me ideas for my classroom.

First, I watched George Couros' (@gcouros) presentation on "Identity Day", which sounds like a super cool event and a wonderful way to get to know students better.  I love his passion on developing relationships with the entire school community and hope to grow in that aspect in my own teaching.  I'd like to try having an "Identity Day" in my classroom too.  If it is a success then I hope I can help expand it to the whole school, just as George as done.  Even though his school holds this event near the end of the year, I wonder if it is something I can do in the beginning of the year, at least on the smaller scale of just my class.  I'm very concerned about student relationships (with me, but more so with one another) and am looking for ways to help them build a sense of community where they will want to be kind towards one another.  My school is big on responsive classroom, and this seems like a great way to accomplish that.  So right now I'm toying with the idea of making this one of the first assignments for the kids to do (with their parents), and then I can invite the parents, administrators, and other classrooms in at the beginning of the year to learn about my students (as well as them learning about each other).  I need to outline it a bit more, but I think this could be a really great experience.  Thanks George!

Second, I watched Silvia Tolisano's (@langwitches) presentation on "Skype Around the World", where she talked about why and how she uses Skype in her classroom.  I clap my hands for her because her students are doing some pretty amazing things!!!  At the end of last year I pretty much told everyone that I wanted to use Skype in my classroom this year.  I didn't really know how I wanted to use it, except to connect my students with other students across the globe.  At this moment, I still haven't hashed out a specific project or how I'm going to accomplish that and tie it to our learning goals, but the collaborative chat going on in Silvia's presentation did give me a couple other ideas that are swirling around my mind now too.  One is to have virtual career days.  I've been thinking about doing career days with parents and community members, but with Skype the sky is the limit!  As many of the teachers said during the presentation, I might be able to connect with real experts, in our local community and beyond, and they can share their careers with the kids (hopefully in their actual office!)  Someone else in the chat mentioned giving interviews too, which I think would also be fun and a great experience for the kids.  Another person mentioned meeting the author of a book the class is reading (sorry I can't remember the specific names these ideas came from).  I'm getting excited just thinking about what we can do with Skype this year!  I need to start planning (and keep my fingers crossed that our Internet connection is functioning properly now).  Thanks Silvia!

Even though I only saw a couple of presentations, I am glad that I was able to catch what I did.  I love how social media has taken teacher collaboration to a new level!  I'm hoping that this year I can be better about connecting with the teachers in my PLN and bring all of these wonderful things to my school and all of our students too!

Back to School

After a wonderful and relaxing summer vacation, today I am officially back in the working world.  This week I am attending a summer institute focusing on reading and math.  I have chosen to participate in the new teachers session because this will be my first year as a general education classroom teacher (previously was an ESL teacher for 3 years).  I'm going to teach 3rd grade and I have a mix of emotions that range from excitement to fear.  I am looking forward to the challenges and all the success that I know is to come.

I wanted to get back to my blog, as I have abandoned it pretty much all summer.  I cannot make any promises on the frequency of my updates, as I am not an avid blogger who updates on a consistent basis.  In fact, I'm at the point where I am really blogging more for me than for my audience (sorry folks), but I appreciate those who read and leave comments, especially when sharing personal experiences or offering ideas for my classroom.

Anyhow, I just wanted to give myself a quick reflection of today's training.  I want to push myself to reflect frequently this year on what goes on in my classroom so that I may continue to improve.  Today's session focused on math and the components that make up the math block.  Our presenters modeled many of the activities we would be doing in our classroom and encouraged us to experience them from the perspective of our students.  We started with Morning Meeting (singing songs and everything), then went through most of a math block, participating in the problem of the day, a building number sense activity, the mini-lesson, and reflecting at the end.  What I appreciated about today's session was that it gave me the jolt I needed to get my head back in the game, and the ideas started flowing.

For the past few weeks I've been trying to do some educational reading and planning, but often felt stuck.  I would start but then come to a point where I wasn't sure where to go next.  Being in a room full of teachers once again, and having the instructional coaches take us through a math block modeling and discussing what we noticed was just what I needed to set me in the right direction again.  Tonight, I even came home and watched a few presentations from The Reform Symposium, which sparked some ideas for other activities I'd like to do with my class this year.  I hope this feeling lasts and that it will fuel me during tomorrow's planning sessions so I may map out the first 20 days of school.  Sometimes I bog myself down with planning because I am so detailed and focused on "doing it right".  But that's another topic for another day.  Overall, I left today's session feeling that I have a good understanding of how the math block is structured and what goes in each component of the block, so I can begin to incorporate that into a concrete unit plan tomorrow.

Welcome back to school y'all!

Candid Conversation

Myself, along with two other teachers, have started a 4-H club at our school.  Currently we have about 12 female students in 4th and 5th grade.  This week, we decided to have a "girl talk" about relationships.  Our intention was to focus on relationships with boys, as some of the girls have "boyfriends" (we do not approve), but somehow the conversation turned to student-teacher relationships.  I don't even remember the comment/question that created the shift, but I do remember the honesty in the responses these girls gave.

Last week a teacher was so frustrated that she started crying in front of her kids.  She came down the hall looking absolutely miserable and ready to throw in the towel while we all comforted her and offered words of encouragement.  When we brought up this incident with the girls, we asked them why the students treat her so poorly when they wouldn't think of treating us the same way.  What we got was a very simple and honest response:

"Because we respect you."

Our ears perked up and more questions came pouring out of us teachers, curious to get into the minds of the students and why they behave the way they do.  We probed further into why they respected us but not the other teacher, whether it had anything to do with race (she's white and we're black), what kinds of consequences they expect to have, why any of this should matter when it comes to basic respect.  Here is a summary of what I learned and took away from the conversation:

-The kids don't respect her because they think she is soft.  She appears soft because of her emotions.

-With classes that have lots of behavior issues, one reason is because they feel the teacher can't control the class because they know nothing will happen to them if they do something wrong.  So why bother act appropriately?

-Some suggested consequences included: referrals, taking away recess, calling parents (all of which have been done mind you, but the kids still misbehave).  But they say that when someone acts up the teacher just looks at them or walks out of the room, or the teacher is only concerned with the behavior of the "problem child" in that class.

-Other teachers get respect because the kids are afraid of them.  One girl said, "if you come around the corner we straighten up cuz we know we're in trouble."

-The kids want structure.

-It does not have anything to do with race (we asked this question more than once and every time they all said no).

This was such an interesting conversation for me because I myself have struggled with being the nice or soft teacher.  In my few years I have toughened up a lot, and I do see a difference in the respect I'm given and my ability to manage the students.  The difficult part for me is, however, that I am not naturally mean or "hard" as they put it.  One girl told me that "I'm hard when I need to be", which lately I feel like is all the time.  I empathize with the teacher who cried because I feel her frustration with her students.

But the kids have spelled out the reality: don't even cry in front of them, don't "act soft".  They'll take those emotions as a sign of weakness and take advantage of it (I personally don't believe crying is a sign of weakness, but that's just my opinion).  Even being nice has to be handled carefully.  You can't give them a reason to think you're not in control. 

If I get my own classroom next year, I'd like to have a conversation with my class about this topic.  I hope that I can get them to see that whether someone shows emotion or not does not warrant blatant disrespect, no matter how you view it.  We should treat all people with the same decency and respect regardless of how we feel about them.  We treat them this way because that's who we are as pleasant human beings.

I hope they will be able to understand and internalize this message.  But at the same time, I will continue to put on my "tough act" and do my best to give them the structure and discipline they subconsciously (or consciously) crave.